Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
