Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
