I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize