i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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