i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
