**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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