Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
