you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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