Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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