i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
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