you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
