What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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