my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
