You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
