We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
