I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
try to milk me bitch
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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