I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize