My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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