i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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