Nicole vs. Life
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
