I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You took a bar mat shot.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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