we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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