it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
