eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
