They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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