im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
