I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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