nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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