Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
