Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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