We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
