He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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