haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
