To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
