My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
last night I used snow as a chaser
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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