Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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