if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
