My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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