I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
