Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Blood and glitter go together right?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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