I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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