im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
