Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
