wrigley field is MILF paradise
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
