I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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