Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Success! We fucked roommates!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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