I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
