Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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