Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
