Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
