Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
