Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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