Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
