4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
