You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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