i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
