I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize