Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
