Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
