Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize