Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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