Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
