theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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