North Korea, Best Korea!
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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