and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
